Technology strikes again

I spent a thoroughly frustrating evening last night. It’s all a giant conspiracy to confuse the technologically challenged. As soon as I get on the Net and have to start filling out forms, it all goes pear-shaped, to use a cliché. (Who invented that one, by the way?)

It started when my son telephoned. I’d already told him on email that I couldn’t send the Plonk cover file – uploading via FTP, and he was obviously determined to educate me so that I could rise to the challenge. After a half hour or so on the telephone with him giving instructions and me trying to follow them, we gave up.

I needed to deal with PayPal. When you register for PayPal, they credit your account with two small amounts so that you can verify it’s gone to the right account. I decided to take advantage of the 24 hour service provided by my bank and telephone them. I did get the information in the end, but not until I’d been on the phone for ten minutes listening to the dreariest music imaginable.

OK, I’d made some progress. Now to attempt something I’d been putting off for days. Getting linked up to Broadband. All these problems sending large files have convinced me. Using my Virgin connection, I dialled up and started filling out the form. I started three times – inextricably, the dial up disconnected me twice. You’d think they didn’t want my business. No choice, but to use my other connection. Right, I was on to the page again and this time, I managed to deal with almost all the questions. But then I got to the request to deliver the filtering equipment. I fill out the questions and get to the end of the page. I do it twice or three times, but there’s nowhere to go from there. I go back. Then they tell me that due to a glitch, they can’t take my order at the moment. There’s another problem, they ask for my Virgin address, etc. I provide that, but my password’s wrong. I can’t remember it; I thought it was the same as the one used for my other connection. Before I stop to think I’ve pressed the button for ‘forgotten password’. And then it’s downhill all the way. By now I’ve remembered that my Virgin password has got extra digits and I think I know what they are. But it’s too late. I have to put in a new password and when I go back to the Virgin connection to fill out the details of the bank credits for PayPal, I can’t get in. I can’t use the old password and I can’t use the new password and I can’t use my other connection because that gets used for Goldenford Publishers (www.goldenford.co.uk) . And will I get to speak to another human being who’ll help me? No way. I’m faced with a barrage of computerised robots who will send me error messages ad infinitum, probably without even knowing what they mean. I go to bed, frustrated. I haven’t completed anything.